That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
