just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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