I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
