I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
