well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ketchup is God's man juice
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
