So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
