highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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