My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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