Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
