Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
