When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
