i just wanna soil my oats bro
her vagine was all disorganized.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
