i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
