What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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