There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
