Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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