fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
