Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize