Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
