Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
