you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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