Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
