Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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