Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dear god my vagina.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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