yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
