if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
