I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
