With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
