I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
