the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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