I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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