After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well you can't waste a boner
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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