At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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