Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
