...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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