You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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