yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
