I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
