I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
