just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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