My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
40s are totally the cure
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
