Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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