i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
how does that bad decision feel?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
