so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He did a backflip because drugs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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