You just made me feel so damn special
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
