Swine flu. Run for my life!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
