i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
