Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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