Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
