Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
