The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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