the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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