Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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