i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
