dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
