I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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