The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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