Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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