she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
