she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
