If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Every concussion has its silver lining
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
