I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
