I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
