Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
