I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
