THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
